Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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