So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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