i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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