oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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