every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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