She just used a chaser for red wine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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