Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
