I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
