Define "chronic" masturbator.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize