I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
