this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
