I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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