Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
