He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
