the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
