i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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