Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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