Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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