i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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