East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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