i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
