i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
