I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
