Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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