OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize