ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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