Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
