You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
