So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
