I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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