Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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