then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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