Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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