I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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