holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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