"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i think my cat just said my name.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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