I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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