dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize