every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
