Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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