when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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