No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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