Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
