New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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