Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
