Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
