Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
