How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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