he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
