I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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