Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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