I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
