i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize