I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
