I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
