I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
