It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize