so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize