Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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