Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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