I am puke
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
