he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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