Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
