well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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