ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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