tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
