Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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