never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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